Believe me, if I had produced any kind of finished artwork at all, I would have shared it here. But other than spending an inordinate amount of time tinkering with endless colour variations for a new painting that was never completed (see image below), and that one raspberry-coloured self-portrait, 2023’s art output was a bit of a bust.
There are many reasons why the art never really manifested itself, but most of it can be boiled down to two reasons: work and depression. By late 2022, all of my closest friends at the office had moved on to bigger and better things, and I was left with a serious case of “feeling left behind” and lonely, and that really sapped my creativity. What kept me going was the carrot that had been dangled over me for some months: a much longed-for promotion, which I eventually got in the Spring.
And then my job just took over my life! Things were made worse by the fact that the Writers’ and Actors’ strikes had wiped out any employment possibilities for quite a few people in the FX and Animation industry (including my husband), so any job I had, no matter how stressful, was one that I was grateful for and intended to hang onto for dear life.
Also, to be perfectly honest, the self-portraits happened out of necessity, but at this point, I think I may have said everything I needed to say with them. What that New Direction is, I’m still not sure, but it might be something completely different from anything I’ve done before. Stay tuned…!
Number of incomplete artworks and/or tests: 5 (and no, I’m not sharing them)
Number of exhibits (virtual): 2
Number of exhibits (IRL): 0
Number of publications: 4
And now for some highlights…
Biggest, happiest Art Win this year: Being featured in the inaugural issue of “Women United Art Magazine”! To be honest, I am still pinching myself.
Most popular piece on Instagram: This fanart for “The English”. It doesn’t matter how old I am – I cannot get the urge to make fanart wholly out of my system, it seems.
Most popular piece on Instagram that ISN’T Fanart: This wip reel for “Stripes”. And for the record, I HATE reels, but it’s the only way to get eyeballs on Instagram these days.
My favourite piece: This digital portrait of my daughter…
My most successful piece (well, successful to me, anyways): My “Self-Portrait With Kerchief”. In my opinion, it’s one of the only pieces that looks like actual “art”, and not just a well-developed study.
Piece that made more of a splash than I anticipated: My “Vintage Cleveland” piece – my second attempt at painting a colour portrait from a black & white vintage photograph. In fact, it was picked up and shared by “Photo Trouvee” magazine, which was kinda nice.
Piece that went nowhere and, frankly, that fact disappoints me: To be honest, I wish that everything that I’d published this year had met with greater enthusiasm, but clearly, I don’t know how to play Instagram’s game.
Putting it all in perspective…
Ok, so… some highs, but also some lows.
My goal for 2022 was to produce a large volume of work so that I could finally break out of my eternal “studies syndrome” and make actual ART. And for a while, it was working. I think I cranked out about 5 pieces in January alone – 4 that I completed, and one that I abandoned (which was fine as it was more of a stylistic exercise anyways).
I also took the plunge and applied to have my work included in art publications and online exhibitions. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Still, no one was more shocked than I was that the very first publication I applied to actually accepted my digital painting.
After that, there was no stopping me! Sure, I had my fair share of rejections, but overall, it was a pretty successful year in terms of having my art selected for magazines and exhibits. In particular, the team at “Women United” art magazine really believed in me – more than I believed in myself, to be honest – and to see not just one, but several, of my artworks in print is the most incredible feeling.
But here’s the thing: for someone who was supposed to spend the year in creative experimentation and risk-taking, it feels like I missed that mark by a pretty wide margin. There’s no denying it: my portfolio is very safe and very tame. Even more disappointing is the fact that I had really hoped to be able to detect some connecting threads between the pieces and to be able to say “A-ha! I can see that I should drop so-and-so and concentrate on such-and-such instead…!”. But… I haven’t hit that eureka! moment yet.
Still, considering where I was at the end of 2021, I can acknowledge that I have made enormous progress, not least because I committed to increasing my output. I also took risks by putting my work out there even though I didn’t feel like it – or I – was ready. If anything, that is what I want to take with me into 2023: “Jump, and the net will appear”.
On that self-congratulatory note, I wish everyone a fabulous Holiday Season, and I’ll see you again in 2023! 🙂
Well, if this isn’t proof that hard work, risk-taking, and a bit of luck can bring about some amazing results, I don’t know what is! Not only did my work get included in the inaugural issue of “Women United Art Magazine”, but I was also rewarded with a spotlight feature! That’s right: 4 whole pages devoted to my self-portraits, as well as my (hopefully not awful-sounding) answers to the magazine’s questions about women in the art world.
At the end of the day, I make art for myself, but I cannot lie: outside validation feels pretty darn good!
I was feeling pretty passionate about this idea and my art just a few weeks ago, and now that the rush is over, I’m left wondering what all the fuss was about. The thing about negativity and expressing your feelings is… at one point, when does it become just another problem? Where’s the line between catharsis and useless ruminating? Adding text to the landscapes certainly made them less precious, but in the end, it didn’t advance me along my path. Ultimately, I think it might have been just a temporary diversion (possibly influenced by the Prednisone I’m taking for my RA flare – and this wouldn’t be the first time Prednisone led me astray, either!). I’m looking at these images now the way someone might survey their property after a violent storm has passed: I acknowledge that there was no stopping it, and I just hope that there’s no significant, long-term damage.
Warning: some of these images contain adult language.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people could hear the positivity of this message instead of hearing only the rejection? Surely, respecting yourself enough to set clear boundaries (especially after getting burned) should be something to celebrate? I suppose it all depends on who is doing the boundary-setting in the first place…
EMMA PITTSON 